


Victory of Monsters

by Arisprite



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Levi gets some TLC, Mikasa and Levi friendship, Speculation for Chapter 80 of the manga, Spoilers!, This sucks you guys, and Mikasa - Freeform, mention of issues with food (because of titan shifter reasons), mentioned character deaths, mentions of cannibalism, taking care of your commanding officer is best done with care, written before chapter 80 came out so no longer relevant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-05-31 18:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6482596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arisprite/pseuds/Arisprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Speculation for Chapter 80, based on leaked manga caps I didn't want to see, oops. So spoilers! EDIT written before chapter 80 came out, so those pictures were not part of that chapter. Could be later, or not real.</p><p> </p><p>Erwin makes a choice, and Levi makes it back alive, but less than human. This is the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Levi had found a quiet corner - a freaking miracle in the city right now. He was tucked in between the stables (smelled like horse shit, but at least it was familiar) and the big building that housed the HQ of the Survey Corps, in a tiny enclave that probably had spiders and mold thriving in it, but he had too much to think about (avoid thinking about) to care. 

He could still hear the damn fireworks. 

All around him, the rest of the whole shitty city was celebrating their _victory_ as if people, so many people hadn’t _died_. As if the whole damn thing was a success, when they’d only pulled through because of a fluke. As if those who’d come back were entirely human…

They’d lost so many. Hange, and her whole squad. Almost every new recruit. Those enthusiastic kids from the MPs. The two from the 104th who’d betrayed them in the first place. 

But hey, there were no more titans. Whoop de doo. No more titans, and no more monsters anywhere, right? 

Levi’s stomach swooped, and the bit of tea he’d managed at the first of the (way too freaking many) celebratory dinners, came up and splashed onto the ground in front of him. Good thing he’d already chosen the dirtiest place he could find to hide his disgusting self. 

No more monsters. Cept the kid. Cept him. Levi, Levi who’d _died_. Who’s had a sword in his _throat_ only to feel a sting through the pain, somehow. Only to look over and see Erwin, with tears in his eyes, pressing the syringe that Kenny had given him into his elbow. Those were the last clear memories he had, before he came to, with the remains of the Colossal Titan steaming around him - no sign of the young man who’d been inside it, but Levi knew what had happened to him, how could he not? He’d collapsed, like Eren did after the first time, every muscle burning, but not with pain. With a blinding, overwhelming _rush_. The power, the size, the strength… He’d felt invincible. Had been invincible. 

Levi had been told later that he’d transformed, like Eren did, with a clap of lightning. His form had been huge, almost as large as the Colossus, but more nimble, with black hair like his but no other similarities. He’d screamed, roared, and attacked, his newborn strength a match for Bertholdt’s like Eren’s hadn’t been. 

No one told him what happened after that, but there was a reason Levi’s stomach was roiling. There was a reason he could change back. 

So now, they’d won, because of him. Because he’d been forced to give up himself in one more way - humanity’s greatest soldier was a human no longer. Was this how Eren felt? 

Levi sighed, and pressed his trembling fingers into his knees, willing himself to come out of this, to survive this as he’d survived everything before. Willing himself to just break already, so he could put himself back together again, like he always did. But, his chest trembled, and his throat ached, and nothing came out. He simply held on, and tried to ride out the anguish, the betrayal and the violation. His very blood was defiled, his skin was hot and pink and not his own. The lack of a scar at the front of his throat where the lethal blade had stabbed in was a testament to that. His body was no longer that weapon he’d honed, but was now something else entirely. A monster. Time flew away as he shook.

An hour later, Levi emerged. Stomach empty, weak and shivering but eyes yet dry. He still felt as taught as a clothesline. He glared, but idiots still congratulated him. He thought he’d kill the next person who touched him, who said _good job_ to him, like he was a kid in school. He walked through the crowds with his hood up and head down, but it really only drew more attention. Please, just let him get to his room. 

“Hey! It’s the man of the hour-” Someone slapped his back.

Levi snapped, and shoved the heel of his hand into the man’s throat, cutting off his air with his wrist bone. He had no weapons, nothing on him, it shook him more than anything else. Why didn’t he have any weapons? He remembered a steaming shower, and scrubbing until his skin bled. Then it healed with more steam, and he couldn’t stay in the room any longer. A choke. Was it the man’s or his own?

“Do not touch me, you basta-”

“Levi,” said a voice, the last freaking voice he ever wanted to hear, and that of his closest friend. Funny how life worked out, huh? “Please, step back from him.” 

Erwin stood in front of him, parting the crowd, and such a presence as always. Yet, today, meeting Levi’s eyes, he looked small. This was the first time they’d looked at each other since they came back from Shinganshina. Days, it had been days. 

Levi gaped at Erwin, taking in his raw gaze, his exhausted eyes and the gap in his sleeve where his arm should have been. It was over, thanks to his choice, thanks to Levi’s involuntary sacrifice. Shouldn’t Erwin at the very least look more rested. Wresting his control back, and tugging it around himself, he shoved the man away. 

“Tch,” he said, stepping back and having to consciously tell himself not to stumble. Had he eaten anything since returning from the battle? Probably not, when his insides churned at the very word ‘eat’. “You look like shit, you asshole.” 

Erwin’s face was like a cracked doll, perfect and smiling at the man he’d grabbed, while looking pained at every chip. 

“I apologize,” he said to the other man, who was already edging off, anyway. Then, left alone with Levi, he dipped his head. “I’d like to talk to you.” 

Levi breathed in thinly, spread an arm, and looked down his nose at the taller man, a skill he’d perfected decades ago. 

“By all means.” 

Erwin hummed, and turned, expecting Levi to follow him out of the street, and into the corps building. They didn’t head to Erwin’s office, or Levi’s own room, or anywhere they really frequented, but towards the highest floors. They were classrooms, Levi thought - unused now, and a shameful level of dusty. 

In the room, with sunlight bisecting the room, through the two windows, and making the motes dance in the air, Erwin turned to him, and cast his face into shadow. Levi took a step forward, so his own back was to the window. The shade from Levi’s form only went up to Erwin’s knees at this angle. To put himself at an advantage yes, to be able to see Erwin’s face, when Erwin could see only shadows on Levi’s - but also because Erwin to this day was too bright to be cast in shadow, especially one from Levi’s pitiful form. 

Erwin spoke, and no longer could Levi see the anguish he’d witnessed flash over his face. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, and his voice was flat. “I entrusted that to you, and then I took away your choice.” 

Levi ‘tched’ again, damning Erwin’s forthrightness, but no longer startled by it. Erwin would go straight into what seemed like a prepared speech, but those who knew him (at this point, Levi and only him, which sent an entirely separate ache through his soul) knew he spoke genuinely. 

“I betrayed you,” Erwin whispered. “I knew you wouldn’t want it.” 

Erwin spoke of taking Levi’s choice, when he himself had no other option. Levi knew it was that or they were all dead. Levi would have even agreed, perhaps, if he’d been conscious enough to think it through.The reasons were plentiful. He was dying; he couldn’t die and help his soldiers. Erwin needed him. Someone had to use that serum. The tide of the battle would be changed in no other way. All those were reasons that Levi could have used to talk himself into that very decision. He couldn’t blame Erwin. Erwin blamed himself plenty anyway.

“Why did you do it?” Levi said, knowing full well he’d listed those reasons to himself just then. Erwin’s list wouldn’t be much different, he knew it. 

Erwin spoke directly, a courtesy reserved for few. 

“You couldn’t die.” 

Levi closed his eyes, wishing Erwin had given a different reason, even though he’d expected that. He understood. He’d have felt the same about Erwin. Had felt the same, when Erwin’s head was on a chopping block, and his knees against gallows stone. 

But. 

“I didn’t ask for this.” This power under his skin. This knowledge that if he hurt himself, he’d heal - that if he did it with the right intent, he’d turn into the very thing he’d spent years killing. 

“I know,” Erwin said. “I chose you to carry that burden. And I had no time to ask.” 

Levi swallowed. “I would have said yes, if you asked.” He confessed. “I hated the thought; I wanted nothing to do with any of it. But I would have.” 

“I know. And I’ll carry that forever.” Erwin bowed, his words ringing with a finality. “I can only hope you’ll forgive me one day.” 

Levi could say nothing. Erwin understood the silence. Then he left. Only then, did Levi _finally_ break. He curved forward under the force of the release, pressing his palm to his eyes, and letting the tears stain skin and only that, leaving no trace to be found. Levi let himself cry for one minute, and then cut it off, gasping into the dusty room, sure he was breathing in germs and microscopic bugs- 

Then he shook his head, because those things couldn’t hurt him anymore, could they?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm continuing this because reasons. 
> 
> Mention of cannibalism, so warning there.

Another day passed, and Levi decided to not leave his bed. There was no point. The war was over, and though the threat of whoever the ‘warrior clan’ were remained, there was too few of them to venture out yet. Their military was weak, and Erwin figured they’d struck a blow to the clan too, ridding them of their entire pack of shifter titans, including the beast titan. No titans had been spotted outside the walls in days. Peace was declared for now, and Levi hated it. 

He hated the thought that he’d been turned into this, only for his usefulness to be dried up with the very action. He hated that he had even less purpose than he’d thought he would in peacetime, because now he was a titan shifter, and the only point of such an atrocity was to kill other titans. A small voice told him that he didn’t feel that way about Eren, that Eren was a good kid, a useful member of society (if a bit of a dumbass) even taking away the titan power he had, but it didn’t reach that dark knot inside himself. 

So, he stayed in bed. It didn’t matter if he did, no one would be looking for him. Levi was on leave, nothing was happening, and Erwin was avoiding him. His squad was intact, but grieving, and had squirreled themselves away in their barracks, taking comfort from each other, and he was glad of that. But, it left him alone, without even Hange to drag him out and scrub him down, like he’d done so many times to her. (That Hange was gone only made the ache inside him worse).

He let his hair get greasy, and stubble grow, and his insides turn into a twisting void, because he couldn’t stomach even a morsel. Four days since he’d returned, and nothing had passed his lips and stayed down save for water and tea, and vaguely Levi wondered if a titan shifter would die from this. 

Then, his chambers wooden door clattered with a knock. He hated how that door didn’t sit right in its frame. Levi barely moved, save to roll his eyes towards the entrance, and even that made him dizzy. He parted cracked lips, but found no words to call out. No matter, whoever it was would go away soon enough. 

But, the knocking came again, persistent, and Levi narrowed his eyes, wondering who is could be. Erwin, having had enough of avoidance, and come to demand that Levi forgive him? No, Erwin would stay away forever if Levi asked that of him. Putting aside decisions regarding Erwin to a locked corner of his mind, Levi returned to the list of people still alive who might knock. Eren? No, too familiar for the boy who still called him ‘sir’. Someone else from the squad. Possibly. That Armin child - he was so like Erwin it was alarming sometimes. Levi could halfway contemplate a train of thought that would lead Armin here, to run something by him, or ask for advice… but it didn’t feel right. Sasha, Connie or Jean could come for some random reason, and so couldn’t be ruled out. Mikasa. It had to be her, assuming it was someone who took umbrage with the fact that he hadn’t emerged yet today, while the afternoon sun was slanting through his window slats. The knock sounded insistent enough. 

He still hadn’t mustered the energy to respond to the door, long enough for the person on the other side (probably Mikasa) to grow impatient enough to try the handle. Levi’d left it unlocked, uncaring. There was nothing in here worth stealing. No one wanted his starched shirts, and cravats, or stock of cleaning supplies. 

The door swung open, and Levi allowed himself a moment of disproportionate triumph, as Mikasa revealed herself, carrying a cup of tea, before he closed his eyes. Yes it was her, but that didn’t mean he wanted to see anyone. 

A long moment stretched out, as Mikasa set the tea cup on the side table, and stood over him, her cool gaze palpable, even with his eyes closed. 

“I know you’re awake.” she said flatly, and Levi let his eyes slide halfway up again, acknowledging that, but not looking at her. He stared at the wall, dispassionately. Mikasa let out a breath, like he was acting exactly how she expected. “I can tell when you’re sleeping; remember our bet?” 

Levi snorted against his intentions, and rolled his eyes. That made him dizzy too. He remembered when Mikasa had decided that he didn’t sleep enough, back when she was recovering from her injuries in that tiny cabin with the rest of the squad. When confronted, he’d argued back that she wasn’t resting enough for her injuries, and what followed was a bet that both of them sleep for eight hours, undisturbed and silent, with no distractions. He forgot what the punishment was for getting up before hand, but he’d won the bet, and a good night's sleep, more than he’d had in his remembrance.

“It’s creepy to watch people sleep,” he mumbled, his voice hurting his throat. Levi’s mouth was too dry, and tasted awful. 

“Good thing you’re awake then,” she said, and picked up the tea. “I brought this. Though I think you need more than a cup of tea by the state of you.” 

“‘S kind, but no thanks.” Levi twitched his fingertips, limp on his pillow. Honestly, he didn’t think he could sit up enough to drink it without spilling. His head was floaty and his limbs felt like aspen leaves. 

“Not a request. You’re drinking it. You need food and water too. Eren says he hasn’t seen you eat since we came back, and you’re losing weight.” 

Levi lifted his eyebrow, as Mikasa revealed her goal. Still, he bristled to think that she’d watched him that carefully, taken it upon herself to make him eat, like he hadn’t tried already. Like she thought he couldn’t take care of himself. 

“Your mothering is annoying,” he said, and rolled away from her, pressing his face into his pillow, and riding out the slow wheels the room was making. It was only stopgap measures. He knew that once she put her foot down, there was a good chance she’d win. He was stubborn, but he wasn’t at his full faculties right now, and she was just as pigheaded, with an added measure of mama bear. 

Mikasa ‘tch’ed as skillfully as he, and rolled him back over with efficient movements that made his head spin again. He growled, and closed his eyes tightly. 

“If you want me to eat, _please_ don’t do that,” he said, and he felt more than heard her wince of apology. There was a moment of awkward silence, and then Levi’s nostrils twitched with a light, minty aroma - unlike his usual grassy tea. He looked to see Mikasa holding the cup of tea closer, and he realized that it was peppermint. Helpful for nausea, he knew, and she probably did as well. He sighed, and carefully elbowed himself up sideways, and took the cup with a shaking hand, rolling his eyes as she rightfully didn’t let go and helped him drink. The first sip was soothing and warm. He drank half a cup before his elbow was shaking too much to hold him up. 

Levi let himself sink back, and Mikasa took away the cup, while he closed his eyes, and tried to adjust to the sloshing liquid in his stomach. 

“Will you try?” Mikasa asked, in a not-question. 

Levi nodded. He didn’t have the energy to fight, and even if the idea food made his stomach tighten in threat, he knew he couldn’t let himself waste away. He would be needed when they went out after that clan, in the future. He would be needed at Erwin’s side, as the victory settled, and people started arguing again. He would be needed to command his squad, though they’d done just fine without him during that debacle. Titan shifter or not, cannibal or not, he had to eat. 

“I’ll bring you something,” Mikasa said, looking relieved. Levi’s stomach flipped, and lips twitched to a frown, but he would try. 

“No meat,” he muttered, and Mikasa’s face flashed from ill to neutral again, before she nodded too. 

“Broth for now; you’ve shrunk your stomach, I’m sure. A whole cup.” 

“Yes, sir,” Levi said flippantly, beginning to lever himself upright, leaning heavily against the pillows. Mikasa snorted, before handing him back the tea cup, and standing. 

“I’ll be right back,” she said, and left, meaning he had to drink the tea he held or let it drop and spill on his blankets. Levi huffed, and smirked, shaking his head, before he took a sip. 

________________

 

Eren and the rest of the squad were waiting for her in the kitchen, when she returned empty handed, but with Levi’s promise ringing in her ears. He’d try. She bit her lip as the worry washed over her again. 

Levi had been saved by the titan serum, had transformed and rescued them all from the very jaws of hell, but he was taking the change hard. At first, coming back he hadn’t seemed all that different, or at least like this latest event hadn’t affected him that much. Then, the 104th squad noticed that he was scarce more often than not. Jean pointed out that he was never where the Commander was anymore, a fact of life that no one noticed until it was gone. Then, Eren (who was perhaps the only person who could understand) brought up that Levi was losing weight, not eating, and the rest of them began to worry. 

It was determined that they should do something. If the Commander wouldn’t, and Levi couldn’t take care of himself, then it fell to them as his subordinates. Of course, the actual act of doing so fell to Mikasa, who already had a history of bullying Levi into healthy habits. 

Eren looked at her nervously, chewing on his lip, a bowl of broth already prepared and ready for her to take into Levi’s room. He and others were sat at the table, the kitchen mostly empty besides them. Sasha was nibbling on a piece of bread she’d probably finagled from the regular kitchen staff when they’d asked to be able to prepare the food for Levi. 

“Will he eat it?” Jean asked, and she picked up the tray that Eren had laid out. Warm vegetable broth, and a slice of the lightest bread they could find, toasted and dry. 

“He said he’d try. That has to be enough, I suppose.” 

They all nodded. Eren was worrying his lip again. Mikasa went to take the broth, before it cooled too much, and then turned back. Her own lip was too close to her teeth. 

“Eren?” She trailed off, looking at him sideways. She didn’t want to ask him in front of everyone, but the words had been pressing on her mind since they came back. “Did you ever feel that way?” 

Eren went a little pale, looking like he didn’t enjoy thinking about it. Armin leaned slightly closer to him. 

“You mean… not wanting to eat?” 

Mikasa nodded, feeling regretful. Eren took a breath, dropping his eyes to the table. 

“I still get that sometimes. I try not to think about it. I understand why the Captain… why he’s feeling upset.” 

There was an audible swallow, and then a small voice. “Well, he did kind of eat Bert-” 

“Sasha!” Armin interrupted, and Sasha winced, huddling over her food. Everyone else now looked a little sick as well. Mikasa sighed, and looked again at Eren, who was tense, but mostly just looked sad. 

Mikasa sighed, and hefted the tray again, steadying it. The broth was still steaming, so she’d better take it before it got tepid and oily, instead of satisfying. 

“Okay, no mentioning that in front of the Captain. Eren,” Mikasa met his eyes again. “I think it might help him to talk to you.”

Eren straightened. “Right now?” he asked, already standing, but she shook her head. 

“After he’s eaten. I want to make sure he gets this in him, before we stress him anymore.” 

There was a silence and nods of agreement, and Eren sank back down. Mikasa nodded, and began leaving the kitchen. Connie hugged his elbows, curled over himself. 

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” he said, before Mikasa moved far enough away. “He was always so strong…” 

Mikasa lifted her chin, frowning because Levi had always been strong. He was still strong. But even the strong needed to depend on people every now and again. She was still learning that.

 

_______

 

Mikasa returned with a tray, and a warm smell filled the room. Levi’s stomach hurt, but he could no longer tell if it was hunger or nausea, or just general protest at its abuse. Still, he’d said he’d try, and food was necessary. He shouldn’t have let it get this bad. 

Neither of them said anything, as Mikasa settled the tray on the side table, and took the tea from him, to replace it with the bowl - more a mug, really - of broth. There was toast on a plate as well. Levi met her eyes, and finally lifted an eyebrow, trying ignore the _definitely_ nausea that was now ramping up. Thoughts of what he’d last eaten kept rising up, like gorge in his throat. 

“No promises,” Levi murmured, before lifting the mug to take a swallow of the warm liquid. Surprisingly, it went down easy, seeming to calm the raging in his midsection, and he took another sip. 

Meanwhile, Mikasa had pulled over the chair from his desk, and was taking a seat beside his bed, making him feel like an invalid. Levi narrowed his eyes, as he drank more. 

“You don’t have to hover; I’m drinking it.” 

Mikasa didn’t react, looking solemnly into the middle distance, and Levi sighed, lowering the mug.

“What is it?” Levi grumbled. “You look constipated.” 

Mikasa cut him a glance, looking unamused. “You’re the one talking, sir.” 

Levi snorted, and sipped a little more soup. His stomach _was_ settling, amazingly, but it probably had more to do with the distraction of company - impassive as she was - than the food. He was also becoming aware of the state of his hair, and his wrinkled sleep shirt, and how he probably reeked… he had uncharacteristically let those things go since returning. The broth was returning his strength, and he thought the next thing he’d do would be to go take a shower. Or a bath. 

Mikasa shifted again, and Levi lowered the mug to squint at her again. 

“Out with it,” Levi said, despite the feeling that he probably didn’t want to discuss whatever was on Mikasa’s mind. Mikasa confirmed that when she looked up, and met his eyes. 

“I wanted to let you eat.” 

Levi clenched the fingers on one hand, and knew he was tensing up. He turned slightly away, loosening his grip on the broth. 

“If you were trying to not ruin my appetite, it’s too late. Might as well say it.” 

Mikasa looked concerned; it pissed him off, but also made his stomach twist up, like a wind up toy too far gone. He shivered, slightly, which prompted Mikasa to take the mug from him, in case he spilled presumably. 

“I wanted you to talk to Eren,” she started with, sounding resigned now, as she put the mug on the table. 

It was a valid suggestion. Eren was perhaps the only person, available or otherwise, who’d understand what had happened to Levi. Still, Levi found it was unappealing. He didn’t want to talk about it all, didn’t want to discuss how it felt to turn into a monster. Someone who understood would know too much. 

“Tch,” Levi answered with. Mikasa dipped her head, and sat quietly for a moment, gathering whatever thoughts she had floating around up there.

“I thought he could understand better… what you’re going through. Maybe I was wrong, though.”

Levi watched her as she lifted her chin and looked at him. They were so alike; there was his own fire, glimmering in her eyes. Not for the first time, Levi thought how they shared last names, and so many traits. 

“You asked me once if I’d ever had a power awaken within me… if I ever was stronger than myself.” 

“You said yes,” Levi said, unsure where this was going. 

“I killed a man to save Eren’s life. I was nine years old.” 

 

Levi had been aware of the incident, from the research he’d done into Eren before the trial, as well as the discussion during the trail itself. Neither of them had brought it up since, but as someone who had grown up in an environment like he had, it wasn’t even that shocking. He’d won a knife fight at age ten, by slashing the guy’s guts. He’d survived, but only just and not because Levi had tried to save him. Levi’d first killed a man at thirteen, when he’d tried to rob and kill him, after Kenny had left him alone on the streets. 

Mikasa was still continuing, her face drawn in, thinking hard, like she was trying as hard as he was to see how this was relevant. 

“I was so scared, after that…” she whispered then, and Levi began to understand. “I was afraid I could do something like that again, hurt the people who’d taken me in, without meaning too. I was strong. I knew that then, but that strength could hurt people. What if I lost control?” 

Levi’s hands clenched in his lap, emotion tight in his throat. He cleared it, unsure what to say. Surprisingly, her meandering words were relevant. He didn’t want this newfound power to hurt people. He’d been able to hurt people already, well enough with only his human strength. With a titan’s nigh uncontrollable magnitude, he could easily do so much more damage, with almost no one to stop him. Eren had had the assurance, right after he’d joined the Survey Corps, that Levi would stop him from doing anything, should he lose control. If Levi lost it, could anyone stop him? 

“Promise me something, will you?” he said, his voice embarrassingly rasping. Mikasa blinked at him, and nodded. 

“What do you need?” 

“If… if I do what you said, lose control… stop me. I don’t care if you have to cut me out or just kill me. Stop me.” 

Mikasa watched him, her eyes steady. “I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes.” 

Levi let out a breath, and the tension he didn’t realize had been winding him tighter and tighter released. God, he was exhausted. And finally, hungry. He nodded, and closed his eyes, rubbing his hand on his brow, and then up into his disgusting hair. 

“Thanks,” he muttered. The atmosphere in the room lightened, and Levi realized the air was stale like a sick room, and smelled of unwashed body. Ugh. “Now gimmie that toast, and open the damn window. Smells like a stable in here.” 

Mikasa’s lips quirked up quickly, amusement flashing in her eyes, and she stood, passing the tray to Levi’s lap. 

“Finish up. Then, you should definitely take a bath.” 

“Gladly.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin didn't often get startled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one of these I have planned, though there may be more at some point. Thanks for exploring this with me!
> 
> These two are ridiculous...

Erwin wasn’t a man to get startled often. He was well trained to be aware of his surroundings, and rarely let his guard down - it had kept him alive these years. He also had honed the skills of attentiveness in his interactions, so has to take in the tics and twitches of his companions and ensure his goals were furthered. Even in the few days of peace that they’d had, that habit hadn’t gone away, though he was on a sort of leave after the debacle in Shiganshina. Basically, the whole Survey Corps was, and though the people had been told it was a victory, and Historia had drummed up a celebration, citing that the people needed it, Erwin had been unable to smile. This victory was shaky; riding on Levi’s unwilling back, and Erwin knew it was only a matter of time before they needed to find that warrior clan and face the titan shifters once and for all. 

But with all that swirling through his mind, it startled him, when he entered his sun streamed office that afternoon - five days after they returned - to see Levi sitting at his desk. Levi, who he hadn’t seen since that confrontation days before, who looked almost like usual though keen eyes picked up that he looked thinner, but at least mostly healthy, filling out paperwork with a frown on his face. 

“Levi,” he said, the word escaping him, and showing his true surprise. Then he straightened and pulled his usual calm back (even if that had been thoroughly shattered on the battlefield, only to be pieced back together by the man in front of him). “I didn’t expect you.” 

Levi snorted, not looking up from his form. It looked like he was finishing Erwin’s stack of piled up paperwork (the never ending bane) with much neater penmanship than Erwin’s left handed scrawl. 

“Do I need an invitation?” he asked, his voice acerbic, but only as much as usual. The nostalgia swirled around Erwin. 

“Of course not, Levi,” Erwin said, coming forward and taking Levi’s usual chair, the one that sat on the right of his desk. As he’d thought, Levi was filling out names of the fallen, into reports. He hated writing condolence letters, but Levi often did this for him. 

“Your desk was a shitpile,” Levi muttered, signing his name, and leaving the space that Erwin needed to sign clear. He’d been able to perfectly match Erwin’s signature, and so often Erwin had never even seen some of the reports he supposedly signed, but Levi had yet to try to match his childlike name as he wrote without his dominant hand. “Thought I’d take care of some of this for you.” 

“Thank you,” Erwin said, unsure where this was going, where to lead the conversation. Levi had taken Ewin’s decision, and the changes he’d forced on him hard. Erwin’s guilt was sickening, but it was nothing to the relief that he felt when he looked at him, alive. Erwin couldn’t regret saving his life, so he only could hope that Levi would come through this intact. It looked Levi had picked himself up again, but he made no moves to direct the topic. Still, Erwin didn’t want to force him, so he picked up another pen, and took the stack to sign himself.

Levi’s hand slapped the back of his. “Those ones are done. Sign these.” And he pointed to another stack. 

“Ah,” Erwin nodded, and went to work. It was quiet for a while, and only the absence of their usual cups of tea made this different than any other night, before the chaos of the last few weeks. 

The skritch of Levi’s pen didn’t slow, but eventually the other man spoke, still looking at his paper. 

“So, when will we head out after those pissbuckets?” Levi asked, and Erwin assumed he meant the warrior clan that had sent those kids into the 104th cadet corps. Erwin also noticed he’d said ‘we’, meaning he’d be coming with them. It may very well be only he and Levi, and the rest of that little squad who’d survived, but Erwin already felt ten times better about the hopeless venture if he had Levi on his side. 

Erwin took a breath, and looked at Levi, and finally Levi set the pen down, and met his eyes. He looked tired, and a little gaunt, but settled. No longer that wildness of panic and betrayal that had lingered the last time they spoke. 

“As soon as we’ve all healed, I suppose.” 

Levi held his gaze, and then nodded. “Well, put me down for ready for duty. I’ll be working with Eren on controlling this, and Mikasa will cut me out if I go too far, so in a few days I can head out to wherever it is we’re heading.” 

Erwin lifted his eyebrow slightly. Levi _had_ been making progress; not only in accepting this new change, but in using it and learning about it. It was a shame that Hange- 

“I’m glad to hear that, Levi,” Erwin said, a thread of softness in his voice that he couldn’t quite banish into professionalism. Levi heard it, and relaxed a bit more, giving him what passed for a fond look, if a frown could be fond. 

“I’ve decided to look at this as an opportunity. I used to say I’d sully my hands so that others could live, and it goes as far as this.” Levi’s voice dropped, soft and low, like it had been when he knelt in front of him on the battlefield, and told him those words. “I’m grateful I have the chance to continue on helping.” 

Erwin let the commander flow out of him, pushing away thoughts of calculations and logic, and just let that same gratitude fill his voice. 

“I’m glad,” he said, and Levi blinked at him, startled perhaps at his sincerity. It was rare, after all. “I too, am grateful, Levi. You spoke to me on the plains of war, and I was able to continue on. And now, we both can finish this.” 

“Bit worse for the wear, perhaps,” Levi said, with a lazy smirk. Erwin chuckled. 

“Indeed. But, it won’t matter.” 

Levi looked at him, held his gaze with a faint smile. 

“No, I suppose it won’t.”

Indeed, Levi’s form had changed, and he could now transform into something great and terrible… but he was still Levi. Erwin was less than he was; by a whole arm’s weight. But, they still were themselves. And together, they could do much. Perhaps even bring the world through this war.

**Author's Note:**

> Because queensmooting wrote Erwin/Levi angst because of the spoilers, so I had to post this too. I'm sorry! 
> 
> I'm sorry about Hange...


End file.
